What do you write about when you have nothing to say?
Well, I suppose it isn’t entirely true that I have “nothing to say”; I actually just don’t have a lot to talk about that I feel comfortable sharing. I’ve been having a tough March. My family dealt with a loss early in the month, I experienced a disappointment at work, and some complications came up with Elune. The weather still isn’t particularly warm or sunny; despite it being spring, the forecast for the next week is actually calling for snow again. I’ve been coping with some not-so-great habits, including unnecessary spending and more screentime.
Honestly, in the last few weeks, the place where I’ve found the most joy is in running.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about food, exercise, body image, and the relationships between them. I’ve started posting more about running on my Instagram account, which has made me consider how my posts might be perceived by others. I made the decision to post more about running because it’s a big, positive part of my life. I was also inspired by a host of running influencers to be part of the online running community. This said, in this new era of obsession with thinness in our culture, I also wonder where fitness content online fits in. I worry my followers might think I’m showing off, exercise-obsessed, or disordered.
There’s a lot of discourse about the recent shift we’ve seen from the body positivity of the 2010s to the “thin is (back) in” mentality. We’re constantly being bombarded in the media with emaciated celebrities and influencers, disordered eating habits disguised as wellness trends and, of course, the widespread use of GLP-1’s and other drugs for weight loss. There are a lot of conflicting lines of discourse, and I agree simultaneously with a number of them. On one hand, for example, I agree that we’re in a crisis- we’re overwhelmingly being sent the message that being skinny is the most important thing a person can be. At the same time, I also think that a lot of people have become too quick to label any fitness content, body dissatisfaction or desire for weight loss as disordered and insidious.
I’ll admit that, like a lot of people, I’ve dabbled in and out of disordered eating habits in the past. I’ve gained and lost weight throughout my life. This is something I’m aware of, and something that’s caused me to reflect on whether running is just the newest disordered habit in my life. This said, I don’t believe that just because someone has had a bad history with diet and/or exercise in the past means that they can never have a healthy relationship with it.
Even though I still haven’t entirely healed my relationship with food and my body (possibly something that will be a lifelong journey), I overwhelmingly believe my relationship with running is a healthy one. Most of the reasons I enjoy running have nothing at all to do with my body. I like to run because it’s a challenge. I like it because it makes me feel strong. I like it because it gets me outside (even before becoming a runner, I would walk hours every week outdoors). I like it because the post-run endorphins boost my mood. I enjoy training for races because training plans give me direction and something to strive toward.
I also understand the importance of rest and recovery in running, and try not to push my body too far outside of its limits. I take regular “de-load” weeks and give myself as much flexibility as possible within my training plans. I take days off when I’m sick or tired- Hell, I take multiple rest days every week. Sometimes I fuss about missing runs, but the reason behind the anxiety is never that I think I need to run to deserve food, for example.
It would be a lie to say I never think about how running impacts my body. I’m in a place where I (mostly) appreciate what my body looks like and how it works for me, and I know that running plays a role in dictating these things. This is one of the reasons I’ve stuck with running, but certainly not the main reason. Would it be better if body image played no role in my exercise habits? Probably- but I don’t think this is totally realistic. I don’t think it’s achievable to never think about what our bodies look like and never hope that our bodies will look different; especially in the appearance-obsessed world we’re living in now. I think we just have to do our bests.
One thing I’ll say about running and weight loss in particular is that there is truly no guarantee that running, especially long-distance running, is something that will cause you to lose weight. Running is a really high-intensity, high-impact exercise, and you need to eat a lot to properly fuel your runs. Many runners, especially those training for longer distances like marathons and ultramarathons, end up maintaining or even gaining weight during their training blocks. I say this to say that your decision to run probably shouldn’t be rooted in a desire to lose weight in the first place.
All of this said, of course, I acknowledge that my own relationship with exercise doesn’t reflect everyone’s. There are certainly people, running influencers included, who use exercise largely to fuel their disorders. Self-reflection (and maybe even therapy) is so important when it comes to evaluating our eating and exercise habits. If you find yourself working out to earn food, struggling to take time off or obsessing about body weight or composition, it might be something worth looking into. Like I said, I think it’s definitely possible to have a healthy relationship with exercise, but it might be something you need to work towards.
Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts. The relationships between food, body image and exercise are complicated, and I’m still figuring out how they interact for me in my life. I’m also not perfect or a professional- just a person on the internet writing a blog post. So, for the time being, I’m happy continuing to run and sharing about my love for it online.
Until next time,
Laura Kate
Laura Katherine 